When Love Turns Controlling

The Silence Behind the Smile

Not all harm leaves bruises. Sometimes, it’s the slow erosion of your choices, your freedom, your sense of self. In toxic relationships and domestic violence, controlling behaviours often show up in actions, not words. It might be the way someone monitors your movements, rearranges your plans without asking, or reacts with anger when you set a boundary. Over time, you begin to anticipate their moods, adjust your behaviour, and shrink yourself to stay safe.

You learn to survive, but survival isn’t the same as safety. And safety isn’t the same as healing.

What Controlling Behaviour Looks Like

Controlling behaviour isn’t always loud or obvious. It can be subtle, disguised as care or concern. You might notice:

• Your time, friendships, or routines being quietly managed

• Decisions being made for you, without your input

• Talking but not being heard

• Emotional reactions that make you feel guilty for asserting yourself

• A sense that you’re “walking on eggshells” to avoid conflict

• Feeling like you’ve lost your voice, your space, or your autonomy

These patterns don’t just hurt, they reshape how you see yourself and what you believe you deserve.

The Emotional Impact

Living in a controlling or toxic relationship can leave lasting emotional effects, even long after the relationship ends:

• Anxiety, hypervigilance, or emotional shutdown

• Shame or guilt about your needs and boundaries

• Difficulty trusting others, or yourself

• Feeling “too much” or “not enough”

• Loss of identity, voice, or confidence

• Asking the question of, what did I do wrong?

These responses are not flaws. They’re survival strategies. And they make sense.

Therapy as a Space to Reclaim Safety

At Therapy Moments, counselling isn’t about rushing your healing. It’s about meeting you gently, wherever you are. Whether you’re still in the relationship, newly out, or years removed, your story matters.

Therapy can help you:

• Rebuild emotional safety

• Explore relational harm without judgment

• Reconnect with your voice and boundaries

• Practice trust and self-compassion

• Begin to believe that love shouldn’t hurt

If you’ve been harmed in a relationship that was supposed to feel safe, you’re not alone. You deserve support that honors your pace, your complexity, and your strength.

Therapy Moments offers counselling that meets you with care, online, by phone, or through walk-and-talk sessions. You don’t have to carry this alone into your future..